I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
