whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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