i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
