i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
