at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
