Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
