I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize