i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
