please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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