I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
