If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
