he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
