I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
