69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How's work?
Spinning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
