Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
