I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
