in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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