One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
