Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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