PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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