but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She bit a glass in half.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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