I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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