She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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