My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
