god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
