I bet he comes in French.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
