dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
