census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
