Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
