I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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