We won't sleep together?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
