How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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