I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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