o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
