i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
