I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
