he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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