Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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