My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
