I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize