his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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