look no pants
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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