even my farts smell like vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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