The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize