Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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