Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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