let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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