you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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