Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
