Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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