When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
