He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
