My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize