Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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