i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
