i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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