her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My vagina just recognized that song.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
