I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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