just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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