saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You ruined the universe
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
