cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
